


only dreaming

by stqrryniqhts



Series: too close to the stars [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Anxiety, Dreams, Dreams and Nightmares, F/M, Hugs, Hurt Peter, Hurt Tony Stark, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Feels, Peter Parker Gets a Hug, Peter Parker Has Nightmares, Peter Parker Has Panic Attacks, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker is a Mess, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-03-07 06:24:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18867553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stqrryniqhts/pseuds/stqrryniqhts
Summary: when nightmares keep you up at night, just hug Tony Stark.





	1. nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first story and I'm currently writing this at 1am, can you tell?

Peter sits up in his bed, gasping for air. He looks around his room, panic aching in every muscle of his body. He realizes he is entirely alone, a small speck in the universe, and shrinks into his own shadow. Eyes dart from every corner of the small corridor, looking for anything to get his mind off of the terrible dream his mind twisted tonight. As he takes a deep breath, he notices the air flowing freely through the window near his desk, where he finally finds his escape.

Amazingly, Peter eventually found his way to Tony's bedside, shaking the man from his sweet slumber. "Pete? What're you doin' here?" Tony says groggily, slightly concerned as why the spider-boy is here in the compound at 3am. He watches as the kid's eyes fill with fear and terrible sadness, before he realizes what's going on.

"Was it a bad dream again?" Tony whispers softly, coaxing the kid into the other room, careful not to wake anyone up. As he watches Peter's hands shake as he sits down, his heart once again aches for Peter, knowing he has gone through so much in these past few weeks.

The boy nods, eyes brimming with tears. Peter tries to hold it together for Mr. Stark, he really does. He doesn't want to be a burden to him, another thing to add onto his long list of problems. But the things he saw tonight... no, he will never be able to get over that. Most nights aren't so bad, and now and then he gets better with a little hug from Mr. Stark, but tonight isn't a small hug night. Tonight is a "stay all night with Mr. Stark and hope May doesn't kill me in the morning" kind of night.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Tony asks tentatively. Tony has only known Peter for a few months, but this kind of behavior is never like him. Sure, he's come to the compound to see Tony lots of times, and Tony has loved it, seeing a bit of his younger self in Peter. But when he comes looking like a train wreck and acting like one too, it must be very serious, even for a bubbly kid like this one.

Peter sits up straight and tries to find his voice, but it was worn out from crying so much on the way here, there wasn't much but a rasp left. "No." Peter croaked. Tony studies Peter's fidgeting hands, sweaty palms and the consistent tapping of his foot. "Well, I mean yes." He slightly whispers, a single tear falling from his eye.

"Ok, but I'm going to get you something to drink first, k kid? Just... try and calm down." Tony starts to get up, and barely inches off the couch, Peter's hand grabs his. The look in his eyes is all Tony needs to be pulled back down. "What is it, Parker? You can tell me. Or do you want Pepper-"

"No!" Peter says in a harsh whisper. "I- I just want you to stay here, Mr. Stark, you-" Peter's eyes dart to the floor and search the gray carpeting for about ten seconds. "In my dream..."

After a few moments Peter's soft whimpers fill the air and Tony's heart clenches with pain. He realizes now that he would do anything to take that pain away from his boy.

Peter catches his breath and looks up. "You _died_ , Mr. Stark. I couldn't save you, I- I was _too late_ , and-"

Tony pulls Peter to his chest, giving him the warmest hug he could ever muster. Tony wants him to know that he's _here,_ that he's not going anywhere, and most importantly, that he is _never_ leaving him. The kid's cries and wet tears do shake him to the core, though. Will this become a weekly or even nightly thing? Peter has so much potential and enthusiasm, Tony is afraid that maybe even nightmares could hold him back from doing great things.

Peter's mind fills with the images and sounds of the dream he had. The quiet background noises as people crowded around Mr. Stark. They knew the time had come, _Tony was going to die_.

He lay there on the side of a car, his eyes glazed over and a hollowness inside of them. Tony knew this day would come also, when he risked it all for the lives of millions of people and was left in the aftermath.

Peter rushed over to where Mr. Stark was lying and his vision blurred. His spider senses picked up on Tony's faint heartbeat, getting slower and fainter until finally going quiet, leaving behind nothing but a black abyss, because that's what a world without Tony Stark is like. An abyss of nothingness because the _one person_ who truly understands what it's like to be the nerd, and not have parents to guide you. The one person he could look up to, the person to catch him when he's falling.

Tony Stark was Peter's only true father figure since his dad and uncle had passed, and now that he was gone too, Peter wanted to sink into that nothingness also.

"When you died, I had thought... maybe... maybe I wanted to sink into that nothingness too." Peter whispers.

_Tony's heart tears into two._

 


	2. that's my boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tonight was just one of those nights.
> 
> Peter had woken up at 3am once again and was so shaken by this dream, that it took Aunt May and Mr. Stark to finally calm him down and put him back in bed.
> 
> Peter hated every second of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just warning you, its just a little scary:  
> only panic attacks, nightmares, and anxiety.  
> if you are sensitive to this kind of stuff, please click off <3

Tonight was just one of those nights.

Peter had woken up at 3am once again and was so shaken by this dream, that it took Aunt May _and_ Mr. Stark to finally calm him down and put him back in bed.

_Peter hated every second of it._

Every time they would leave him to sleep, his mind filled with images of dead people, people he had failed to save, and even his friends at school, _all dead_. He really did try to sleep, but after five minutes in the darkness, he had to get up.

When he walks into the main room, May sighs and puts her cup of coffee down, and pulls Peter next to her on the couch. Peter gets a blanket and curls up next to May, his head on her lap, feeling content. Then, another warm figure sits next to him turning the tv volume lower.

"Don't..." Peter mumbles and grabs the remote from who he is now for sure is Mr. Stark. Pete turns it back on and May just runs her fingers through his hair, while Mr. Stark makes sure he is comfortable.

"Is it safe to say he is down for the night? I think we should schedule a meeting with a psychiatrist soon, if this keeps up." Tony says thoughtfully after a while, unaware that the boy is still conscious.

"Are you sure? Peter is... having a hard time, I know. But a psychiatrist? Do you think that's what's best for him? You know how he gets when he meets new people, and I don't think he would like to sit in a white room and talk about his _feelings_ with a random stranger." May says back to Tony.

She knows that he has the best interests for Peter, but what _would_ be the best for him? Tony is also right about one thing, Peter's nightmares have just gotten worse. May has caught him about three times a week trying to sleep walk. Each time he doesn't remember any of it in the morning. May also talks to Tony about how it could just be a phase that he's going through, and that maybe nothing is seriously wrong.

Tony doesn't want to risk it.

"One appointment, May. I'll even take him to _my_ psychiatrist, I think it'll be good for him." Tony says and May just nods.

"Ok." She says almost silently, and after that, Peter drifts into another heart wrenching nightmare.

Peter tosses and turns, as his mind has twisted a sick illusion to make it feel like he really _is_ falling into a black abyss. May shakes him a little for him to wake and his eyes fly open. "Save me, May. It's taking me away, it's here-" Peter starts to cry and May holds him close to her chest, warmth radiating off of her, calming him down.

He uses his spider senses to listen to the quiet _thump_ _thump_ of May's heart beat for a while, before realizing that she is already back asleep. The boy slowly slips away from her embrace, only to see Tony leaving, oblivious to the fact that Peter had just waken up again.

Peter stands up and runs over to the door, catching Tony just as his hand touches the knob.

"Tony-" Pete hugs him tightly but backs away quickly. "Thank you. May, I know she's had a hard time dealing with me herself... just, thank you for helping me."

\---

It's been two weeks since the Great Nightmare incident, and right now, Peter is on his way to a therapist to talk about his "feelings," whatever those are. Tony is giving a rundown on how thing usually go, and they both are feeling the sense of anxiety rise in the car.

"Mr. Stark?" Peter asks in a small voice.

"Yeah, Pete?" Tony looks into the boy's fearful eyes carefully.

"Do you think I'm going to cry?" Peter says, and Tony already sees the tears forming.

"It depends on what you talk about." Tony answers as honestly as he can. He _definitely_ thinks Peter will cry, it's just what the boy does when he's sad, mad, scared, or afraid, and he's not going to tell the kid that because he needs to experience this how he needs to.

Tony is genuinely nervous for Peter. He has seen and talked to many therapists in his life, and he's not sure if he's making the right choice for the childlike teenager or not.

They finally get to the compound where the therapist agreed to meet, because Peter felt at home and safe there. Tony parks the car and he notices that Peter doesn't want to get out.

"C'mon, Pete, we have to..." Tony's voice trails off when he sees the wild look in Peter's eyes.

Peter gasps for a breath and his lungs seem to fail. A weight of bricks has weighed him down on his chest, and all of the events leading up to this meeting come crashing down in his mind.

Tony starts to panic also. He doesn't know what to do, he's not a doctor. He simply put his hand on Peter's shoulder to make himself face him.

"C- Can't breathe-" Peter gasps and heaves in and out. "Stop, stop." Peter says over and over, squeezing his eyes shut. Peter's panicked eyes flick open again moments later and search Tony's.

He feels _so_ guilty.

"Breathe, Peter, _please_." Tony helps Peter with his breathing for a few more minutes until he has finally calmed down.

Tony has never felt so much guilt and regret in his life. This was all his fault. Peter wouldn't be having this panic attack if it weren't for him. He had pushed him too far too fast. All he needed was a little help, maybe he should've provided that to Peter himself.

"Mr. Stark? Shouldn't we go in now?" Peters small voice echos in Tony's brain as he nodded, and they headed out.

When they entered the small room Tony had set aside for these types of things, the lady introduced herself.

"Hello, Tony, nice to see you again." She shook his hand and Peter acted as if he was a small child hiding behind Tony. "I see Peter Parker is here too." She peeked around Tony and smiled. "I believe we haven't met before. I'm Dr. Bekker." Dr. Bekker held out her hand and Peter shook it hesitantly and the look on his face made Tony's heart _melt_ from relief that Peter would be ok on his own here.

"N-Nice to meet you." Peter nods and he sits down on one of the bean bag chairs while Dr. Bekker sits on one of the chairs nearby. "Are you- Are you going to stay, Mr. Stark?"

"Only if you want me to, kid."

Peter takes a glance at Dr. Bekker and turns around again. "I think I can do this." Peter says, a look of hope in his eyes.

Tony thinks,

 _that's my boy_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys... I really miss Tony Stark..... a lot :'(


	3. normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sometimes it's ok not to be normal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this only 600 words and i wanted it to be more but  
> <33 it has sort of a bittersweet ending,  
> enjoy!

Peter watches as Tony closes the door, walking out of the compound to talk with Aunt May. He feels the panic rising in his throat, and he gets himself so worked up he is afraid he might puke.

"Peter? Is everything ok?" Dr. Bekker asks while she observes his pale face.

"Y-Yes ma'am." He trips over his words as he manages to push the bile back down his throat.

Dr. Bekker gives him a warm smile to calm him down. "Well, let's get started then, shall we?" Pete hesitantly nods as she looks through her bag. "Ah, here they are." She pulls out a few coloring books and a big box of crayons.

"I assume you're not too old for this?" Dr. Bekker almost chuckles at the excitement in Peter's eyes, which were almost full with tears a minute ago.

"Why are we going to color?" Peter asks, thoroughly confused about this.

_How is coloring going to make him any better?_

"We are going to color our fears today." Dr. Bekker says a bit quietly, seeing the kid's eyes widen.

"Oh." Peter says softly, taking a clean sheet and a few crayons and pencils.

"It can look like anything. It could be an ocean, or even some type of animal. It could be a person for all it's worth. And take your time, if you feel any need to stop, then you can." She adds, smiling softly at Peter as she begins to color her picture.

Peter stares down at his blank page, unsure of what he should draw. This is it. This is his fear. The fear of nothingness.

He racks his brain for some ideas to form, but he's got nothing. Maybe on one side he could leave it blank, but on the other side he could draw something.

 _That sounds good_ , he thinks to himself.

After about fifteen minutes, Dr. Bekker seems almost done with her picture, and Peter is finishing his up. Peter's drawing is a boy with a blue shirt, brown eyes, and brown hair just like him in the bottom right corner. The boy is blowing bubbles, and the bubbles are scattered all around the page, each one detailed to a point so they are all different.

"Are you done with yours, Peter?" Dr. Bekker interrupts his thoughts and he turns to her, ready to show her.

"Yes." He mumbles quietly, giving to her. She studies it for a little bit, looking very pleased with his art skills.

"Um, excuse me ma'am, but my fear isn't that... it's the back of the page." Pete says, flipping it over for her. She nods and sighs quietly.

"And why is that?" Dr. Bekker says, handing it back to him.

"Well... there's this... _nothingness_ that is lurking in me, I don't really know how else to explain it." Peter stops to catch his breath. "Whenever I'm alone, or someone leaves for a while, I get this feeling of nothingness. It's like... It's like the tide trying to pull you under." He lets a few tears slip and Dr. Bekker nods understandingly, a genuine look on her face.

"You know... it's not bad to feel that way, Peter, you should never think that it is." She says softly, ninety-nine percent sure that this boy has felt something like that before.

"But it's not _normal_." Peter whispers, his voice cracking, his whole being suddenly drained from even _trying_ to explain what it's like to live this way.

"And it's ok that you aren't. I know you aren't normal, Peter. You think Tony would have sent you here with that information if he hadn't have trusted me?"

Peter shakes his head, tears staining his blank page.

"You're not meant to be normal, Peter, and we all know you aren't. You're more than normal. You're extraordinary."


	4. leaving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> May is leaving, and Peter will be alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a little longer than most,  
> hope you enjoy<3

_Aunt May is going to be gone. Peter will be alone._

After therapy that day Peter felt relieved. He felt as if a piece of the weight on his shoulders had been lifted, and he felt ready to conquer anything that came at him.

Until a few hours ago.

A few hours ago at supper, May had told him that she had to go. Peter had known that this day would have to come sooner or later. This trip was bound to get May a promotion, maybe even head of some staff at the hospital. She had been working so hard lately and now that they had finally noticed her and gave her this option, Peter was tempted to stop her.

He was destined to cry himself to sleep that night. When May asked him if he would rather have her stay, he told her that it was ok, it was only a long weekend.

So now, as he is shaking and crying in his bed, he gets a call from Tony.

"Hey kid, I heard you were coming to the compound for the weekend, are you excited?" Tony says and then hears Peter's sniffling.

_Oh no._

"Pete? Is everything alright?" Tony's heart clenches as the boy tries to stifle a sob. "Hey, hey, it's alright. You don't have to-"

"I'm going to be alone Tony! This isn't alright." Peter harshly says, and he holds his teddy bear close to his chest. "W-What if something happens to May? I can't l-lose her like B-Ben and my parents. Tony, I can't-"

"Calm down, remember what your therapist told you? Deep breaths, ok?" Tony doesn't let what Pete said go unnoticed. He had called him Tony, he was afraid of being alone, he was afraid that something would happen to May while she was gone. The poor kid was just worrying too much, and Tony had done enough of that throughout his life to know that worrying too much causes too much pain for someone to bear all the time.

"Mr. Stark, can you maybe come over tomorrow? May is leaving the day after tomorrow and I'm n-not sure if I can-"

"Of course, kid. Whatever you need, you call me, ok?" Tony says softly, and he can hear Peter's breathing level off. "Goodnight, Pete." He whispers.

"Goodnight, Mr. Stark." Peter mumbles, as he drifts off into the darkness.

-

Today is the day.

Happy drove Peter, May, and Tony all to the airport to say their goodbyes, and it was a mess.

Peter cried _a lot._

May wanted to stay when she saw how much he was in pain, but Tony had promised to take good care of him. May trusted Tony, because he was the only father figure in Peter's life since Ben, and she knew that he had needed that so much lately. And May also knew that Peter trusts Tony also. She doesn't pretend to notice the caring way Peter always brightens up when he sees Tony, and Tony does the same.

"I'm going to miss you, May." Peter says into May's hair, breathing in her scent for the last time within days. He fights back the tears but a few more seem to escape. Peter pulls away and May kisses him lighter than a feather on his temple.

"You can do this, Peter, I love you." May says, and she leaves, her hand falling from his face, her scent leaving the place it once was as she walks down the hall. Peter turns around to look at Tony and he falls apart.

Peter holds onto Tony for a good five minutes before letting go, only so they can walk back to the limo. Happy opens the door for them, and Tony thanks him silently for being so helpful.

"Pete, you gotta let go sometime." Tony whispers to the half asleep boy, as they pull up to the compound a half an hour later. Peter grumbles and gets up, groggily trudging to the room made up for him.

"Pete! You have to eat some dinner." Tony says as he watches the kid wander down the hall.

"I'm not hungry! I'll eat later." Peter promises and slams his door. FRIDAY dims the lights for him, and then proceeds to ask him if he needs anything else.

"No thank you, FRIDAY. But please let Mr. Stark know that I'm going to bed now, ok?"

"Sure thing, Mr. Parker."

-

During the night Peter had the most terrible dreams.

_He saw May on the ground of her hotel, a_ _burglar_ _pointing a gun at her._

_"_ _Please don't hurt me." She begged, tears forming in her eyes._

_Peter heard the click of the gun and his spidey sense picked up on when he would pull the trigger._

_"No!" He yelled, but it was too late._

_Blood poured from May's chest and a hollow look filled her eyes. She wasn't moving and Peter couldn't pick up a heartbeat._

_He was too late._

Tony came running as soon as FRIDAY alerted him about Peter's state. FRIDAY reported thrashing in his sheets, his heartbeat raising rapidly, and repeated saying of the word "no."

Tony knew what has happening, _the kid was having a nightmare._

"No! No, no, no, no, no..." Peter's cries filled the room as he rolled in his blankets. A sheet of sweat was on Peter's forehead, and he was crying _so much_. Tony had to wake him up before it became any worse.

"Peter! Wake up, you're just dreaming." Tony says a little loudly, but Peter's eyes snap open. He springs up, his frantic eyes looking around the room rapidly.

Tony takes the boy by his shoulders. "Peter, look at me."

"May! May, where's May? She-"

 _Panic seizes Pete_.

"Tony! She's gone, she's dead, what am I going to do?" Peter cries and buries his face into Tony's chest.

"She's alive, Peter. It was a dream. She's not dead. She just left for a business trip a few hours ago. Everything is ok. It's alright." Tony rocks gently back and forth, Peter's crying subsiding after quite a few minutes.

"Thank you, Mr. Stark." Peter admits quietly while Tony is tucking him back into bed. The soft pillow is making him drift from the dream world and the real world.

"Goodnight, Peter." Tony kisses Peter on the forehead, and walks to the door.

"Mm goodnight, dad."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter get ready for some irondad fluff :))


	5. leave me alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter misses May and takes out his pent up emotions out on Tony, shoving him so hard after an argument that he almost gets hurt. At school, Peter starts a fight and leaves early, only to avoid Tony and talk to Steve Rogers instead. After his talk with his childhood hero, he seems to be feeling better, until he gets left in the elevator alone.  
> Peter has never had a better day :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said fluff this chapter but... angsty Peter got the best of me :))  
> sorry! next chapter will be angst but with a fluffy ending!! I promise!!  
> (not edited, so sorry for mistakes!)  
> also this is over 2200 words, it took me foreverrr,  
> but other than that,  
> enjoy <3

What Peter wasn't expecting that morning, was to wake up to Steve Rogers making pancakes for everyone in the compound.

Peter sniffed awake at 6:30 the next morning and groaned as he fell out of bed. He trudged to the bathroom half asleep, turning on the water and wiping his hand across his face. He walked over to the sink and splashed some water on himself, and looked in the mirror as he leaned on the sink. Peter realized where he was and what he was doing.

_Then he broke down._

He cried throughout his whole shower, crying even more when he got conditioner in his eyes for the second time in a row. He stepped out into the steamy room and accidentally walked into the side of the door, then cursing himself for being such a klutz. Peter ran his fingers through his hair before pulling on some clothes, and brushing his teeth. His red and puffy eyes had faded, but he still looked utterly exhausted.

"Hey, kid, we got some pancakes on the counter for you if you're hungry." Tony says as Peter walks into the kitchen. He grabs his backpack and slings it over his shoulder.

"Not hungry." He grumbles, taking his headphones out of his pocket, connecting them and turning on music.

"That's what you said yesterday and you didn't eat any supper. Peter you have to eat, I don't care if you don't want to." Tony says sternly, as if it were to be a punishment.

So what if he doesn't want to eat? May would make sure he ate but Tony has too much on his mind for that. Peter's stomach was already churning with anxiety, he didn't need some pancakes made by Captain fricking America to make it worse.

"Ya, well, does it look like fucking I care?" Peter snaps, and everyone around him goes silent. Clint and Natasha gape at him from the couch, and Rhodey's face makes him look like he is going to die of laughter if he doesn't let it out soon. Vision and Wanda walk into the room, completely confused and groggy from their previous sleep, eyes darting from person to person.

"What did you just say to me, kid?" Tony stands up and walks toward him with his arms crossed. Normally Peter would apologize right away, but somehow, this day was different.

Peter pushes Tony back when he gets close enough, tears forming in his eyes when he sends him flying across the room, forgetting about his strength.

_He just shoved Iron Man to the ground._

"I'm not your kid, Tony! Why can't you just leave me _alone_!?" He yells, looking at everyone in the room. The look on Tony's face is enough to get Peter storming out of the compound, slamming the door when entering the limo Happy is driving.

Happy says nothing when a more than a few tears stream down his face, and for that, Peter is grateful.

-

School was terrible. His stomach was clawing with hunger by lunchtime, and Ned and MJ had noticed his tear stained face when he got to school. Ned said nothing, just wrapping an arm around him, MJ doing the same.

He really did have the best friends in the world.

Lunchtime rolled around and Peter loaded his tray, but soon lost his appetite when Flash knocked it out of his hands, food splattering everywhere on the ground. Peter's vision went red when Flash started talking.

"Look at all that food he's got, you're gonna get fat like your friend Ned over there if you don't-" He was cut off by the connecting of Peter Parker's fist and the crack of Flash's nose.

Peter knew better to hold back his actual strength, but he let a bit of it loose when all he did was break Flash's nose. The crazy thing was that when the teachers broke them up, Flash hadn't hardly done anything back to him but a mean shove.

Peter was also shocked at himself, and so were his friends. MJ came up to him and put her hands on his chest, Peter physically calming at her touch.

" _Jesus_ , calm down, Parker. Do you know what you just _did_?" She asked harshly, and Peter nodded, not feeling any guilt, hardly feeling anything at all.

So here he was, getting dragged to the Principal's office along with Flash, (who was already fixed up by the nurse), and he wasn't even sure what would happen.

Would Tony show up? May isn't here but Tony _has_ to be mad at the him, considering what he said and did this morning.

They walk into the office and the Principal looks up, watching them intently as they shrug away from each other and sit down.

"We've reached out to your parents, and they are coming to pick you up soon." He says, pausing for a little bit. He looks to Peter. "You're a good kid, Pete." The principal sighs. "Why did you punch him?"

Peter practically growls. "He's been bullying me and everyone I love since the fourth grade, how could I not?" He snaps.

"That- That isn't true, sir." Flash squeaks, but the Principal isn't buying it.

"Since its a Friday, and you don't have school on Monday, I will dismiss you to go home now. Tell your parents what happened, have them email me, and for now nothing will be put on record." The principal waves them off.

Peter almost laughs at how easy they get let off, ignoring the lingering anxiety crawling up his throat.

"If anything like this happens again, school suspension, got it?"

The boys nod and they both leave, going opposite directions. Peter spots Ned and MJ near his locker and he silently thanks god. He really needs someone to calm the storm that is coming.

"Hey, guys." He says with a weak smile.

"Hey, guys? That's all you've got? Peter, we were worried sick, you idiot! First you come to school with tears rolling down your face and then you punch _Flash_ and go to the Principal's office?" MJ lets out a huff and then walks to the other side of him as she sighs. "What is going on with you?" Ned also gives him a look that says the same thing.

"May is on a business trip right now. She won't be back for a few days and I... I just miss her, ok? Leave me alone." Peter lets the anger take over him once again as he pushes past his best friends, and he goes running to the front of the school where Happy should be picking him up.

He sees the spotless black limo pull up, and Peter thankfully climbs in. "Happy? Can you turn on the AC, please? It's pretty hot..." Peter stops talking and looks over at Mr. Stark who is sitting a few feet from him.

"H- Hey, Mr. Stark." He mumbles, wanting to melt right into the leather seats below him. Peter can feel the anxiety building up in his chest as he tries to avert the adult's gaze, but he doesn't do anything about it.

"So, Parker, do you want to tell me why I got an email _from your principal_ to come pick you up today?" Mr. Stark says it calmly and smoothly, and Peter almost wonders if he could ever be that comfortable when talking to a person.

"Uh- I um," Peter looks at his clasped hands and feels the tears forming. What Peter thought was that Tony didn't want to hear what he did today, he even doubted if he even cared.

 _He was probably forced to come here,_ Peter guessed _,_ and now the teenager was sure of it, considering the judgmental and stern look on the man's face. Peter has made up his mind.

Peter finally speaks up. "I wanna talk to Steve."

"Oh- uh, ok then." Tony says, almost stuttering.

 _Did those words just really come out of his kid's mouth?_ , Tony wonders.

Peter wanted to talk to _Steve Rogers_ about his day, of all people! But what hurt most was that he didn't even want to talk to Tony. They had known each other for so long. Tony had helped him with his nightmares and panic attacks, and he loved Peter with everything he had to offer. But now Peter is going to let one little morning fight get in their way.

_It's just a phase, right?_

Tony had read up on teenage psychology, and _boy_ was it the most confusing thing he had _ever studied_.

Peter just nods and puts in his headphones, trying to ignore all of the pent up emotions clouding his mind and chest, making it harder to breathe little by little until they get to the compound. Peter steps out of the car and takes a deep breath of fresh air.

 _Calm down, idiot_ , Peter pictures MJ saying it to him and he calms a bit more.

"Steve is in his room." Tony says quickly, masking his hurt.

 _I need to make this right_ , Tony notes to himself, watching as his son heads inside.

-

Peter knocks on Steve's door and waits patiently for an answer. He never really thought through how he would explain the situation he's in, but he felt comfortable around him because, _c'mon_ , it's _Steve Rogers_ we're talking about, he's like a giant puppy and the wise grandpa you never had.

"Hey, kid, do you need something?" Steve says, his voice already calming him, but Peter knew the tidal wave of emotions would be here soon. The boy was practically begging for some kind of physical touch from _someone_. Even a high five from Steve would satisfy him enough to keep going without breaking.

"I, um, I'm really sorry to bother you. Me and Mr. Stark, well, I'm pretty sure he hates me right now, a-and I d-don't know what to do. I miss May, _a lot_. I got into trouble at s-school today and I didn't want to tell T-Tony-" Peter looks up and then practically falls into Steve's arms, feeling the warmth radiating off of his stiff muscles. They soon relax and Steve runs his fingers through Peter's hair, just as Tony has done many times before.

Steve leads them into his room, and Peter's cries die down, as he slowly peels away from the man.

"What happened today?" Steve asks softly, rubbing Peter's back, a concerned and genuine look on his face.

Peter tries to find the right words.

"Well, you seen what happened this morning. I really didn't mean what I said, a-and I didn't mean to push Tony so hard... It's just hard to control it, you know?" Steve nods, knowing exactly what the kid means. "I cried all morning before I came into the kitchen, and I cried all the way to school too." He pauses for a moment.

"My friends, well, _they're the best._ They didn't judge me or anything, just offered the kind of silent support throughout the day. Lunchtime came and- and there's this guy who has been bullying me ever since fourth grade. Today he said something about my best friend, and from all the anger and pent up emotion from this morning, I took it out on him." He finishes quietly, feeling the shame rise up inside him.

Peter looks to see Steve's expression and he's... smiling? Peter though he would for sure be in trouble, punching someone hard enough to break their nose because they said nasty words was something he knew was wrong, so he didn't understand why Captain America was smiling at his mistake.

"Pete, I'm glad you stood up for your friend... but next time you should use words and not your fist." Steve glances down at the bruise that's starting to heal on the kid's hand. Peter shyly looks away, but then the dread fills him once again.

"Do I have to tell Mr. Stark?" Peter squeaks, and he doesn't know if he can hold the tidal wave back without him.

"You should, Peter. Why don't you tell him now?" Steve leads him down the hall and to the elevator, telling FRIDAY to send him down to the lab. He gives one last smile before the doors shut, and Peter sinks to the ground as soon as they close.

-

Peter holds his head with his hands clamped over his ears, the noise of the building becoming too much. He can hear footsteps from seventeen floors down, the printer using it's last sheet of paper, and the wheels of the elevator that he's in. Peter feels trapped in this small room, and when FRIDAY practically _whispers_ that they've arrived, Pete can't even will himself to stand.

"Tony," His voice croaks, and he curls up into his ball tighter. Tony turns around and sees the boy lying on the ground, tears streaming down his face as he looks like he's about to explode.

Tony knows exactly what this is. The kid is having sensory overload, and with his heightened senses, it's much _much_ worse.

"Peter, look at me." Tony softly says, and Peter's head snaps up, as if Tony had yelled at him. "Focus on my voice, ok? Don't think about anything else." Tony sees the kid's eyes soften and he feels accomplished. Peter's hands drop to his sides, but then he pulls Tony close to him.

"I'm sorry 'bout this morning." Peter mumbles into his chest, concluding that Tony's hugs are slightly better than Steve's. "I didn't mean it." A tear slips down Peter's cheek, and Tony brushes it away.

"I know you didn't, son." Tony sighs and looks into the teary brown and hazel eyes of his kid. "I know, I know, it's ok to cry."

Peter lets out his tidal wave that had been ready to break all day. For ten minutes it's pure sobbing and crying, choking out of words that he misses May, how he misses Ben, how his bully at school is so mean, how his friends are too worried about him, how all he could feel was _anger all the time_ , and how Tony doesn't love him-

_Wait, what?_

 


	6. breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter misses May so much, he is willing to go to anyone for comfort, even the two most deadliest assassins in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally!! bucky!! nat!! and!! peter!!

_Pain_. It was all Peter could feel. He felt it in his chest, he felt it tingle at his fingertips, and he had tried so hard to make it stop. He wanted it to stop so badly.

He clutched his teddy bear stomach and curled up into a ball, tears slipping down his cheeks. Peter didn't feel like he belonged here, and he much less wanted to be here. He wishes he was curled up by May's side, her soothing voice calming his cries for Uncle Ben and his parents. But she _wasn't here_ , and it ate him up inside.

Peter sits up and blows his nose, wanting to slip in bed with anyone closest to him. He needed someone, _anyone_. He couldn't put up with the lack of physical touch anymore, he was becoming numb and he felt it deep inside his bones.

His feet hit the floor, and he used his suit mask to scan for what and whom was closest to him.

"Hello, Peter." Karen whispered, she knew it was the middle of the night. Things like this had happened before, when Peter had picked her up late at night, on nights when he was too scared to alert Aunt May or Tony about his nightmare.

"Hey, Karen. Can you scan the rooms closest to me and tell me who is in them?" Peter whispered back, his voice trembling.

"Sure thing." He watched as the walls around the room he was in disappeared, and he saw heat figures in the rooms across the hall and right next to his. "Steve seems to be across the hall, Natasha and Bucky are in the room next to yours watching movies, and Wanda and Vision are sleeping on the opposite side of them."

Peter's heart races and pounds in his ears. He doesn't want bother Steve again, he'd think he was weak, and Wanda and Vision needed their alone time, they were the perfect couple and he didn't want to ruin it. Ms. Romanoff and Mr. Bucky were his only option, unless he wanted to walk the empty halls and corridors of the compound to find Tony, and he didn't want to do that at all.

Peter puts his mask away, thanking Karen for the help. He slowly makes his way to Nat's room, hearing the sounds of _The Notebook_ carry through the crack in their door. Peter stops before pushing the door open, sucking in a breath to keep himself from breaking down before he even walks in.

 _What if they're mad at me for interrupting them? What if they think I'm a baby? I can't go through one night without waking up crying, what kind of 15 year old kid does that?_ Peter can't stop these dark thoughts, and he's too tired to even try.

Peter slowly pushes open the door, taking in the dim lights. Nat is seated criss cross on the edge of her bed on her phone, wearing some volleyball shorts and an oversized sweatshirt, (obviously Bucky's), and her hair falling around her flawless face. Bucky is leaning against the headboard of the bed and watching the movie intently, in sweatpants and a t-shirt.

Nat looks up from the glow of her phone in the dark room and smiles softly, smacking Bucky to tear him away from the screen. "Hey, Peter, did you need anything?" Nat says, and Bucky sits up fully.

Peter's voice gets caught in his throat and he struggles to speak. "I h-had a bad dream, and I forgot that M-May isn't here, that's a-all. I shouldn't have come and bother you like this, I'm s-sorry-" Peter lets a tear loose but quickly wipes it away.

Natasha sighs, her face softening in the glow of the film. "C'mere, Peter." Nat stands up and opens her arms, welcoming Peter in a hug.

He holds her tightly, the scent of coconut and the soft skin against his cheeks calming him. It reminds him so much of May, he doesn't want to let go. Soon Peter senses Bucky leaving to get some water, and Nat just holds Peter for as long as he needs.

"I m-miss her so much, Nat." Peter says with a broken voice. "I don't belong here, I want M-May." Tears trickle down his face and fall onto her collarbone, soaking into her navy blue sweatshirt.

He realizes that he is sounding so much like his littler self, the Peter he was before he even partially moved on from Ben's death. The pain in his chest is growing larger, and now he wishes that he had Bucky in here too.

"You do belong here, just as much as anyone else in this compound. May will be back in two more sleeps. You just have to be strong for her." Peter hiccups and nods a little, wanting her words to come true.

"You're Spider-man, Peter, _you can do anything_." Nat whispers and Peter's shoulders shake, his lips trembling with cries.

Exhaustion sweeps over him like a hurricane, and he fully relaxes in Nat's arms. She lies him down in the warm bed, just as Bucky comes in. He stays quiet as he sets the water on the table in the corner, walking over to shut off the tv.

Peter feels the dark void of sleep taking a hold of him, but he fights it. "No, I d-don't want to sleep. I'm going to dream about..." Peter starts crying again and he feels pathetic. He is in the presence of Natasha Romanoff and Bucky Barnes, the world's most deadliest assassins and yet the most softest and caring people he's ever met. They shouldn't have to deal with him like this.

Bucky brings over his teddy bear, and Peter takes it quickly, holding it to his chest, muffling his cries in it. Nat slips in the bed, on the opposite side of Bucky, as he slips in too. Natasha sleeps facing away from the boys, hoping that Peter will feel safe now that they're with him.

The boy sits up quickly but quietly a few minutes later, noting that Nat's asleep, but he isn't sure if Bucky is yet.

His breath gets caught in his throat and his vision tunnels. Every breath he takes he feels as if it's his last and all he can do is suffer through it. He wants May, he wants Ben, he wishes his parents were here, _why does everyone have to leave him?_

"Peter, look at me." Bucky's calloused hand is on the back of Peter's neck, and he looks at the Winter Soldier's face. "Breathe with me, ok?" Peter nods, sucking in small breaths and clawing at his chest.

"Hey, calm down, you're here with me and Nat, you're safe-" Bucky stops as Peter crashes into him, the scent of Bucky's woodsy cologne washing over his spider senses. He holds tight to Bucky, nuzzling his face into his hard chest, muffling his silent cries. He wants to stay with Nat and Bucky forever.

At first, Bucky stiffens. He isn't used to this much physical touch, the kid wants to cuddle for the rest of the night? Bucky slowly wraps his arms around Peter, touching his soft curls. His heart some kind of warm and fuzzy, he sinks into the mattress, and Peter's shallow breathing indicates Bucky that he's finally asleep.

Bucky remembers being somewhat like Peter a few months back, waking up every night with a nightmare to haunt him. All he had was Steve and Nat, and most of the time Nat would stay with him.

But he always remembered that no matter what happened, she never left him. So,  
 _Bucky will never leave Peter either._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow *lets out a breath* i'm not really sure what to think of that lol  
> irondad next chapter!!  
> hope you enjoyed <3


	7. two more sleeps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter starts to drift. He's floating in space, a void of nothingness that extends into infinity. Sometimes he gets lost, exploring the planets, bouncing from constellation to constellation. He doesn't want to get pulled down to earth by gravity, but sometimes he needs it. Sometimes he needs to be grounded, or he just might find himself teetering over the edge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhhhh this story might only be 9-10 chapters so we're nearing the end! lol

Peter starts to drift. He's floating in space, a void of nothingness that extends into infinity. Sometimes he gets lost, exploring the planets, bouncing from constellation to constellation. He doesn't want to get pulled down to earth by gravity, but sometimes he needs it. Sometimes he needs to be grounded, or he just might find himself teetering over the edge.

"Kid, did you hear me? Pepper and I have a really important dinner tonight, are you sure you can stay here yourself?" Tony is willing to drop anything and be next to Peter in a heartbeat, even if it does cost him a few million dollars. He just wants the bubbly Peter that he knows to be happy, he would do anything to hear his son's laugh again.

"Ya, I'll be fine." Peter blinks back to reality and slightly shakes his head, gravity tugging at his feet to urge him up. "Bucky'll be around later though, right?" Peter catches a rubik's cube tossed at him by a smiling Tony.

Tony nods, humming while he walks around the kitchen, getting a glass of water and programming FRIDAY to tell Bucky to feed the boy when he gets here. He checks all the security protocols before Pepper and him leave, Peter filled with the absence of loneliness again when they are finally out the door.

Peter lets out a sigh, looking around the empty place. He sets down the cube, now solved, and plops on the couch with a humph.

Pete switches on the tv, only turning the volume up to two. Suddenly he is made more aware of everything around him, and it is louder than anything he has ever heard before. He slowly starts to hear people on the multiple floors below him, the clicking of heels and footsteps racking his brain. He then hears the water rushing through the pipes as someone flushes the toilet.

The roar of the noise fills his whole being, as if it's starting to rip him apart. He tries to stand, but he crumples to the floor in pain. Peter doesn't know how long he lies there, covering his ears and crying for help until his voice is so raw, he can only whisper.

His noise dials down slowly, but painfully. In the aftermath he is scared to get up, a migraine pounding his head with every heartbeat, he's afraid he might just fall over again.

Peter finally works up the courage to slowly stand up, gulping down any more tears that threaten to escape. He grips the expensive couch, pulling himself up to sit down. As he settles, he starts to run through the possibilities that might have caused this.

Nothing like this has ever happened before. Sure, Peter gets overwhelmed sometimes with all the commotion of the world, but having him crying on the floor, not even able to hear his own voice? That was the worst pain he has ever experienced, hurting more than when he broke his arm on patrol a few weeks ago.

Peter swears that as soon as Tony gets home, he's admitting himself to doctor Banner, maybe he'll know what happened. But for now, he would patiently watch discovery channel and wait for Bucky, because he should be home any second now.

"Peter?" Bucky walks through the kitchen a few minutes later, setting some groceries down on the counter. Ever since he got the metal arm, he is able to carry more than four bags on at a time, which Peter finds to be crazy.

The small boy just curls up under his blanket even more, scared to speak, since Bucky's deep voice seemed to echo throughout his mind. Bucky sets all the things down, going over to check up on him.

"Hey, Pete. What happened?" Bucky sits down next to Peter, breaking a candy bar in half for the both of them. "I came over as fast as I could, FRIDAY alerted me that something was wrong."

Peter quietly nibbles on his chocolate, not wanting disrupt the few seconds of silence he is getting.

"It's too loud." He whispers, positioning himself so he leans into Bucky. He lies his head on Bucky's lap, squeezing his eyes shut in pain.

"I'm sorry, buddy. I'll whisper too, if that helps?" Bucky quietly says, and Peter just nods his head, trying not to over analyze anything. "Nat will be here soon, and she wanted to make cookies with you, to prove that she was a better cook than Clint." Bucky chuckles a little, and then runs his fingers through the small boy's curls. "But if you're not up to it, then that's fine. We can do it another time too."

Peter immediately feels a little better, just thinking about freshly baked cookies, especially ones made by Natasha Romanoff.

-

"Nat, these cookies are the best things i have ever tasted. I'm sorry Clint, but hers knock yours out of the park." Tony grabs a plate loaded with them, and going to grab a glass of milk too.

Pepper and Tony got back a half an hour ago, just in time to taste test the cookies both Clint and Natasha made. While they were gone, Bucky got Peter to his feet and feeling better again, only with a subsiding headache. Natasha gave him some pills to help, and then they all set to work.

Clint made the simple chocolate chip cookies, and Natasha made monster cookies, which seemed to fit her perfectly, _if you know what I mean_. Peter occasionally helped, though sometimes he got distracted by Angry Birds and his friends texts, which led to them all almost burning the compound down.

"What do you think, Pete? Wanna come down to the lab for a while before bed?" Tony asks, and Peter, shoving another cookie into his mouth, nods vigorously, giving Nat a thumbs up.

Clint just rolls his eyes.

Peter follows Tony into the elevator, and they make their way down in silence. He has never appreciated silence more than he does now.

"Um, something happened while you were gone." Peter starts, silently congratulating himself on not stuttering. They walk into the lab, and sit down on the couch with the plate of cookies set in front of them.

"I sat down to watch some tv, like you suggested, but-" Peter tries hard to figure out the right words to explain himself. "Everything got to loud, and pretty soon it got so overwhelming I couldn't even stand. I could hear the footsteps of all the people on the floors below me. Instead of my senses dialed to eleven, it was more like one hundred." Peter pauses. "Bucky calmed me down, though. He might even be a better cuddler than you are." Peter gives a sly smile of teasing and Tony fakes his hurt.

"Well, what I'm guessing is that it just seems to be sensory overload from what you just described to me. There's really nothing to do about it if it's only happened once or twice, but you should tell me if it happens again. Then we can take you to Bruce to get checked out." Tony concludes, wrapping an arm around the small boy's frame. "You'll be ok, Pete. Only two more sleeps."

Peter gets comfortable and closes his eyes. "Two more sleeps." He whispers. Then he drifts into oblivion once again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hopefully i can include clint more in the story, it's just hard to work with the character becasue he's not in the movies much,,  
> anyways, i hope you enjoyed!


	8. i'm here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm here," she promises, "I'm here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow this is super short sorry

One thing that Peter Parker does not understand:  
 _words_.

He is terrible with words. The drip out of his mouth at an irregular pattern, making him trip and stumble through the phrases. He really does try to understand what the people around him are saying, but every time they talk he feels like everything is submerged underwater.

Peter can barely hear Tony talking, telling him to get up and out of bed. He hears a few words, but his sleepiness is getting the best of him.

"Peter, May is coming home early." Tony says loudly into the kid's ear, and then Peter gets up so fast he almost knocks the billionaire onto the floor. He laughs, watching the boy quickly comb his hair in the mirror, scrambling around the room to look for clean clothes. "Well, good morning to you too, kid." Tony chuckles, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"Mr. Stark! What time will she be here? Wait, is she here now? Ohmygod, I'm gonna faint." Peter exaggerates, looking frantically around the room, his eyes landing on Tony.

Tony stands up, putting his hand on the kid's shoulder. "Calm down, bud. She'll be here in about an hour, so you better get yourself cleaned up." Tony walks a few steps then throws an outfit to the boy, something Pepper picked out for him the night before. He smiles fondly at the boy's lit up eyes, a bounce in his steps as he takes to the bathroom.

Tony's heart pings, a tinge of hurt and happiness all mixed into one. Sure, he's happy that May is here to help Peter, but he just wishes he had more _time_. Having Peter here was definitely a challenge, their nights full of nightmares and panic attacks. But it also meant so much to Tony.

He loved the way Peter stuttered, and he would miss his nerdy jokes that Ned and him had made up. Most of all, he was worried that May wouldn't know how to calm his nightmares if he ever had them again. Tony wasn't sure he would though, because May was the one keeping Pete grounded, the anchor in the storm that was Peter's mind.

A half an hour later Peter practically skips into the kitchen with his clothes in his suitcase and backpack, the joy and warmth radiating onto everyone around him. He grabs a couple pieces of toast, gives Steve a high five, hugs Nat and Bucky goodbye, and walks out the door before Tony can even tell him it's time to leave.

They all look at Tony, and he just shrugs while trailing behind Peter.

They pile into the limo, the kid not even being able to sit still. Tony notices, but doesn't say anything.

A little while later, Peter looks at the billionaire worriedly. "Tony?" His eyes are full of concern, and Tony can't seem to figure out why. Then he feels it, the couple of tears dripping from his eyes.

_God, I can't believe I'm crying in front of Peter, he doesn't need to see this._

Tony quickly wipes them away, gaining his posture again, pushing away the lump in his throat. "Yeah, kid?"

"W- Why were you crying?" Peter asks almost hesitantly. Pete sits down next to him, resting his head on his shoulder as Tony wraps his arm around him. "It's is my job to do that, _you're_ the one who is supposed to calm _me_."

A small smile forms on Tony's face and he hold him tighter. "I'm just gonna miss your annoying ass questions, that's all."

Peter fake gasps, laughing a little while mimicking a shocked face. "Tony Stark _does_ have a heart." Tony only shoves the kid away, chuckling slightly.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding..." Their laughs subside. Silence.

"I'm gonna miss you too." Pete whispers, but a light bulb goes on in his head.

"But it's not like I'm gone forever! I can come by Wednesday nights and work in the lab with you, and May said I could stay here one weekend a month if I wanted." Tony eyes shine, and Peter backtracks. "O- Of course if that's alright with you and Pepper, I mean, I didn't-"

Tony hugs him, letting the boy's soft figure melt right into him. "That'd be great, son."

-

"Wake up, sleepy heads, we're here." Happy says, purposely slamming the brakes to wake them up. Peter's sense feels it happening, but Tony tumbles to the ground. Peter stifles a laugh and snicker, but Tony just gets up and dusts his suit off, looking at Happy as if he is going blast him with the Ironman suit.

Peter walks inside, scanning the airlines pickup areas. May was flying Delta this time. His eyes land on the Delta sign and lower, spotting his aunt in the midst of a crowd.

"May!" He shouts, scrambling over the seats in the limo to get to her. She turns around at the sound of the boy's voice and comes face to face with her nephew a few moments later.

"May." He breathes, his heart about to explode.

"Oh, Peter." May takes his face in her hands, tears forming in her love filled eyes. "I missed you, so much." She wraps her arms around his neck and presses them close, love and warmth flowing between them.

"I- I missed you so- so much, May, more than you could ever imagine." Peter hiccups, crying into her shoulder.

"I'm here," she promises, "I'm here."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oop sorry for the crappy ending lolz  
> love y'all and thanks for reading!!


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